Departure
by Erosaf
Summary: Celebrian knows her time is coming to an end in Imladris, after being rescued from orcs by her sons. Will she manage to get on a ship for Valinor before she fades and ends up in Mandos' Hall? Who knew saying goodbye was so hard? COMPLETE
1. The White Gulls Call

Celebrian knew that she would not be able to recover. Even though her body seemed to be recovering well enough, her mind could not help but stray back to when the orcs had captured her. Her nights spent in reverie often turned sour as the memories of the orcs took over.

This time, at least it was not when one of the brutes had invaded her body with its... perverted attention. No, this time she was crying from the pain of one of the orcs kicked and punched at her, its rough hide tearing her own soft skin.

"Celebrian."

The voice, her husband's voice sounded in her mind and she struggled, trying to relax, trying to wake herself once more. It seemed her memories had made him aware that something was wrong again. She was surprised when she came back to being fully aware, that her cheeks were wet, and the corners of her eyes prickled as though she had been crying.

_I was crying, in my memories..._

She stiffened, feeling Elrond's arms wrapped gently around her. While she was grateful that he had drawn her back out of her memories, she felt terrible that she had caused him to wake. It was then that she felt the warmth of the sun on her skin and she blinked.

_Another horrible night is finally over..._

She felt some relief from the knowledge that another day had come. It was not enough anymore. Her children brought her joy when they were around, but she knew that something else was wrong with her. The days had lost the beauty once they had to her eyes. She was not sure that this was something even her husband would be able to heal.

_How am I going to tell him?_

Elrond's arms around her tightened slightly. "Melleth? What's wrong?"

_He wants to know. He wants to try and help me. But can even he heal a damaged fea?_

How could she explain to him that she felt as though she was broken? That not just her body had been befouled by the band of orcs?

_How can I tell him that my fea has been damaged by the way they ravaged me? _

"I..."

She stopped, not wanting to cause him yet another burden to bear. Not when she felt this was one he could not heal for her. Her voice alone should be enough for him to know that this was hard to speak of. She sounded very weak, even to her own ears. Her voice was not what it once was, even it seemed to have lost much of her former energy.

_I need him to promise me one last thing..._

"Yes?"

He had spoken again, and she could hear the concern that was in his voice. It was clear that he was very worried about her. As though he knew something else was plaguing her mind. She would not be able to hide everything forever.

"I am here, melleth-nin."

_Of course you are, just as I was here for you when you lost Gil-Galad._

She remembered comforting him when he had returned home from Dagorlad. How he had struggled for a time to recover from what had been lost. Now it was his turn to be the one who comforted her. She knew he would do whatever he could to help her recover from the orcs. Due to his care, her body had almost fully recovered, though it had been several weeks since Elladan and Elrohir had found and rescued her.

"I'm afraid..."

She knew he would not understand what she meant by that. It was not something he would anticipate to hear from her. She was being turned over now, and found herself looking into those much-beloved grey worry-stricken eyes.

"Of what?" Elrond asked, gently kissing her forehead.

"I fear..."

He nodded, waiting for her to go on. Always, he allowed her to speak things through these days before he spoke once more.

"Can you not sense it?"

She could not bring herself to say it. She knew it was true of course. Slowly, she was fading. Life had lost all meaning to her after the orcs had claimed her for their own foul pleasures. Her husband's loving care, and her children's attentions were only prolonging her from fading completely. She felt the call of Mandos' Halls. It could not be said however that she wanted to walk in the halls of waiting. She would rather live, but that was getting increasingly difficult.

Elrond's eyes widened as one of his hands folded around hers. She felt the slender band of Vilya pressing against her hand as he searched, looking for what she wanted him to notice. His eyes widened, and his hands tightened around hers.

"You are cold..."

She shivered slightly. It was not simply a chill she had, no, it was the feel of her spirit fading. He eyes were looking at her more carefully now, searching her face.

"You cannot be..."

She heard the grief that suddenly was revealed in his voice.

"I cannot lose you as well, Celebrian..."

_I must tell him. There is somewhere I should go instead._ She did not want to wait in Mandos' Halls, as welcome as she would have been there. To wait to be reborn into Valinor was not the fate she wanted.

"Valinor."

She grimaced. It was hard for her to even suggest such a place.

"There or... Mandos..."

She coughed, though it was a very quiet sound that showed the fear she was in.

"I do not want to go to the Halls."

Elrond held her close, arms wrapping tightly around her, trying to comfort her.

"I am sorry, Elrond..."

She felt the need to apologise. She could hardly imagine what it must feel like to him, to know she was fading. That she was going somewhere that he could not follow her. How long would a fea wait before re-embodiment in Valinor? It was something she had never had the time to ask Glorfindel about. She knew he had wandered there for some time before he reappeared here in Middle Earth.

"Do not be, Celebrian. I was worried this might come to pass. I cannot lose you."

She touched her husband's cheek with the back of one hand. Sorrow shone in her voice as she spoke. _I have heard the white gulls calling_, she thought. That meant that if she wanted to sail to Valinor, now was the time to do so. Before she ran out of time.

"Let me sail."

Elrond's eyes widened. "You wish to head to Valinor?"

She gathered some of her strength, knowing she had to tell him. Celebrian knew she did not have much longer before the choice was no longer in her hands.

"The orcs broke more than my body, Elrond, but also my fea." She paused. "I will not recover from that here. If I sail I will be able to wait for you and the twins to join me when the time is right."

_Arwen will not join us, she will choose a mortal life_, she had known from the day her daughter was born. Elrond prayed it was not going to happen, that one day they would be forever parted from their daughter when she died.

"Yes. I will make what preparations are needed for you," Elrond replied, exhaling heavily. "It is said that any injury, any burden can be healed on the white shores. I would not want you to be in pain and suffer until you depart for Mandos' Halls."

Celebrian smiled slightly as he tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. "Ask my family to come and see me… please… I want to tell them of my choice."

No doubt her naneth already knew that she would sail after Celebrian did. She still wanted to say goodbye for the time they would be parted. Celebrian did not feel that her family would follow her for some few thousand years yet.

"I will." Elrond kissed her forehead again. "Stay here and rest, melleth-nin. I will take care of everything." She could see the sorrow in his expression. This time, there was nothing she could do to ease his suffering.


	2. Many Goodbyes

If itA week, perhaps two had gone by since she had mentioned Valinor. Time had lost its meaning to her as the days went on while Elrond sorted out all the preparations for her to sail. Having been able to regain some of her strength, admittedly not that much, Celebrían spent much of her remaining time in Rivendell sitting under one of her favourite trees. Her back rested against the smooth trunk of the tree, her eyes half closed.

"Naneth?"

A well known and loved voice interrupted the peace and quiet, and she looked up.

"Tinu-nin, join me."

Celebrían managed to smile at her youngest child. Arwen was so young, and soon she would lose her. At least she knew her daughter would grow to be a beautiful and happy elf when she reached her majority. It had been fortunate her mother had kept Arwen longer. Arwen had been spared from the orcs because of that.

"I am so glad you stayed in Lórien when I came back here, Arwen. You are safe, and that brings me joy."

Little joy did these days bring for her. Celebrían knew she was falling into feelings that just were not like her. The joy and excitement of new days had passed. She grew weary of the world, and she knew she could not prolong her departure too much longer.

Celebrían wrapped her arms around her daughter, knowing that if she was here, Galadriel and Celeborn would be as well. After what happened to her, she knew Celeborn and Galadriel would not have allowed Arwen to travel back alone. Besides, Celebrían had requested that they come, and she knew they would. Her parents cared for her entirely too much.

"I will miss you, penneth," she murmured, hugging her daughter close.

_How can I explain to her that I am leaving and will never return here? That I will never see her again? _Why was she the one saddled with such hard things to say to her children?

"Why are you crying naneth?"

Was she? She had not noticed the tear that had escaped down her cheek. She felt Arwen's fingers touching her cheek lightly. _How can I leave you and your brothers behind?_ She loved them all, and now she had to leave.

"Naneth?"

_I cannot tell you… my little Arwen,_ she thought to herself. It would break her to tell her daughter what was going on right now. She could not tell her such a sorrowful thing.

"You should ask your brothers," she replied at last, one hand gently rubbing her daughter's back.

Elrond had told the twins when she announced she would sail. They understood that it was her choice to make, even though they had been extremely grieved by it. She knew her sons blamed themselves for what had happened to her.

"Are you going to come inside and eat with everyone in the hall tonight, naneth?" Arwen asked.

It was her last night in Imladris tonight. She knew that everyone would want to be able to spend the night with her in their company.

"Yes, Arwen. I will be there."

Night came swiftly after that talk with Arwen, and Celebrían got changed into a fresh deep red formal gown. Elrond helped her into it, considering she was getting quite tired.

"Are you feeling alright?" Elrond asked, wrapping his arms around her for a few moments.

"I think you already know the answer to that," Celebrían replied.

She was not alright at all. Her life had begun to lose its meaning for her over the past weeks. Only the constant presence of someone she knew well helped her to remember why she was still in Middle Earth. For now, it had kept her from fading. Now she knew, that in the morning, she would leave Imladris for the last time.

"A shame that leaving for Valinor is the only reason I have ever gone to Lindon," she murmured, wrapping her arms around him weakly. She had never shown much interest in going there, only now that she was to sail.

"I have not been back there since the fall of the High King," Elrond murmured. "I will travel there with you. It will be nice to see Círdan again. No doubt he wonders why I sent word to him to have a ship waiting to take someone to Valinor. I wonder what he is thinking or whether he thinks it is I who plans on sailing…"

"I do not want you to come with me," she replied. "To the Havens I can handle having you with me, but there is still so much that you are needed for here, melleth-nin. I feel that the trouble Isildur caused by not destroying the One Ring when you asked will come back, and Middle Earth will need your wisdom once more."

She paused.

"I will wait for you to join me, I have the feeling you will be one of the last of our people to sail."

Elrond's eyes widened. "How do you know that?"

"Sauron has not been defeated in full. I believe that you will still be in Middle Earth when he is permanently defeated. You will finish what the Last Alliance once intended to do." Celebrían smiled at him. "I will look forward to hearing that he has been destroyed when we meet after I sail. Do not come to join me until he is gone."

"I said I would not have any more of a hand in bring him down, Celebrían, after Isildur claimed the ring," Elrond replied, shaking his head. "Our hand in the fate of that ring is over."

Celebrían sighed. She knew her husband would be involved once more, but to what extent she could not tell. "No, it is not. I am sure my mother will say the same thing eventually. It may be lost now, but it will resurface eventually. You may find Isildur's heirs more likely to listen to you when it does." She paused. "Come, we should not keep everyone waiting."

Together the two of them walked through their home to the Hall of Fire, where everyone would be eating tonight. As soon as they entered, they were spotted.

Not by adults but by three young elves.

Elladan was the first one to reach them, then Elrohir. Arwen was not far behind them, having been taken by surprise it seemed when her brothers suddenly bolted from where they had been standing, talking to her.

Celebrían smiled, opening her arms so the twins could hug her. She could tell that they needed it. "I am here, my sons."

"Not for long," the one of the right said, and she knew it was her eldest son. Elladan. He always was the first one out of the twins to say anything. Elrohir was more of the quiet type.

She knew how right he was about that. Their time together as a family was fast coming to an end. "No, not for long, Elladan, but at least we all have tonight." Though her sons had grown into fine young elves, she could not help but still see the two insecure and unsure elflings they still were.

Sorrowed as she was to part from her children while they were still young, she did not want them to watch her suffering before she faded completely.

"This is all…" Elrohir began talking.

"… our fault that…" Elladan continued it on.

"… we didn't get to you…"

"… before they got to you…"

"… you're leaving us now…"

"…we deserve that…"

Celebrían's eyes widened. "No, Elladan, Elrohir. You saved me. How many times must I tell you both that? Had you not come when you did, I would not be here now." She gave them both a very strong hug, something she usually would not be able to do now. "Come, it's time we all ate."

Elrond took her hand, taking Arwen's in his other hand. The twins walked on either side of Celebrían and Arwen. Once they had sat down, others came into the hall. Elrond sat next to Celebrían at the head of the table. There was a free spot next to each of them.

Celebrían gave her mother a sad smile as Galadriel sat down next to her, with Celeborn on Elrond's other side.

"I am so sorry that things must end this way," Celebrían said, looking at her mother. She knew this would be hard for her parents. How could she imagine what it felt like to be seeing a child go across the sea before them? She who had barely even lived in comparison to her family, not to mention even her husband.

"Do not be, Celebrían. This is not your fault that those orcs ambushed you. It is no-one's fault but their own," Galadriel replied.

Celebrían nodded, sighing as she started to eat. The hall was oddly silent, as though no one had anything to say that night after that. As she ate, words started to form in her mind of just how she would say goodbye to Elrond when they reached the Grey Havens and she got on one of the boats to head for Valinor.

After the evening meal, Celebrían went for a short walk with her father.

"You should not have to sail before we do," Celeborn said at last when they reached that same tree Celebrían had been sitting under that afternoon.

Celebrían sighed as she looked at her father, before wrapping her arms around him. "I cannot change what happened to me, adar. At least I had the time to choose to sail and did not fade immediately into Mandos' Halls. This way we will all meet again, on the shores of Valinor."

"I had hoped this would never happen, Celebrían. You and your mother mean more to me than anyone else I have met. It feels wrong that you should be heading to Valinor so young."

"I know, Adar. If I stay here… I feel that I will fade and my fea will end up dwelling in Mandos' Halls for a time. If that happened, there is no telling that I would be in Valinor as well before any of you were to reach there. This is the only option I would rather, to be there to greet you all."

It was hard to speak to her father about this, but these were things she knew had to be said. There was no time left for subtlety. She was grateful for the time she had been given to spend with her family.

"I will miss all of you while I am parted from you. That will never change. I won't stop thinking of you all."

They were walking towards the suite she and Elrond had by now. When they were close, Celeborn folded his arms around her.

"We will say goodbye to you in the morning. Though we would like to come with you all to the Havens to see you off, we just can't. It would be too hard for us. Instead we shall wait here for Elrond to return, I will look after Imladris for him. He knows I will."

"Thank you, Adar." Celebrían sighed as she looked at him. "I will see you in the morning."

As she entered the rooms she shared with her husband, she could not help but think that tomorrow was going to be one of the hardest days of her life. _It will be hard to let everything and everyone I've known go until I meet them again at Valinor._

Elrond was waiting for her, not too far from the entrance to the suite. He came over to her now, wrapping an arm around her as they headed into the bedroom. He helped her get changed into something more comfortable to sleep in.

Once they were in the bed, she snuggled in close to him.

"I hope I don't have another bad nights rest." They seemed to be more common than good night's sleep these days. What the orc's had done to her just would not leave her mind alone.

Elrond kissed her softly. "I hope they leave you alone for once, melleth." He wrapped his arms around her tightly, holding her close as they both drifted off to sleep.


	3. The Grey Havens and Beyond

Morning came swiftly, and for the first time since the twins had gotten her home to Rivendell, Celebrían had an easy night's sleep. Perhaps it was because it had been her last night in Rivendell that she had been able to sleep easily. Now, she lay there, awake, refreshed completely, watching as Elrond slept on, familiar dark grey eyes closed.

_Celebrían walked into the main room of their suite, looking to see if Elrond was in there somewhere. Glorfindel had asked her if she'd seen him, and if she did, could she let him know he needed him as soon as was possible._

_Something about a border patrol's report that he thought Elrond would want to hear for himself._

_Blue eyes searched around the suite, searching to find where her new husband had vanished to. She had known of course that he would be here somewhere. He had mentioned something about wanting some time to himself. _

_Then her eyes spotted him and she blinked, startled. He was relaxing in one of the well-padded chairs, head bowed, eyes closed._

_The eyes being closed startled her. She hurried over and quickly squeezed his shoulder. No elf slept with their eyes closed! "Elrond?" she asked, a hint of worry in her voice._

_He woke pretty quickly, looking up, it seemed as though he had sensed her worry. "Vernen-nin? Is something wrong?"_

_She exhaled in relief. "Now there isn't, vernon-nin," she replied. "I was worried when I saw you sitting there with your eyes closed. Did you mean to startle me?"_

"_I was sleeping. I have always slept with my eyes closed, Celebrían." Raising a hand, Elrond pulled her down so she was resting on his lap. "Really, melleth-nin, I am fine it's something that comes from being half-elven."_

"_You never warned me about that," Celebrían replied. "That's why I was so worried!"_

"_Sorry, melleth-nin. I forget sometimes that I don't sleep the same as most elves do."_

Celebrían smiled at the memory, she would never forget anything about her family, even if it was something as strange as sleeping with one's eyes closed. It was a trait her sons had avoided inheriting, but Arwen slept like her father did. While Arwen was a gentle spirited elf like her mother, she mostly took after her father in appearance.

Her husband shifted slightly, and she knew he was waking up. Celebrían smiled, lifting a hand to gently caress his cheek. Elrond turned his head, grey eyes still closed, to kiss her palm. She chuckled at the feeling. Yes, this she would miss waking up to, but this was something that had to happen, she knew that.

"Good morning, mellethron-nin," she murmured, as he looked at her.

"You've slept better than usual."

It wasn't a question in his voice.

"That is something I am relieved for," Celebrían replied. "I was growing tired of sleepless nights."

He laughed. "I said much the same thing once."

She grinned. "Right after the Last Alliance. I remember, and I always shall remember every moment we've had here." The sorrow was still there in her words, but she knew this was something that must happen.

_I will not fade._

"It's almost time to leave, isn't it?" Elrond asked.

"Yes."

She rode beside Elrond, a few weeks later, as he led the way into a land he had not seen for many centuries. Celebrían watched as her husband's eyes lit up, seeming to see things as he remembered them, not these lonely fields they now were in.

"We will follow the Lhûn the rest of the way," Elrond said. "The Grey Havens are not far from here."

"Have these lands changed much since you were last here?"

"Not that I can see. I dwelt in Forlindon, where Gil-Galad dwelled over his years. That was the capital of Lindon."

"That was a time long ago now. Do you think many of the Noldor who knew you then are still here?"

"Perhaps, though only one elf for certain will be here. Círdan, the shipwright. A good friend of mine, as well as of the High King. We fought together in the Last Alliance. It feels strange that I am back here after so long."

Elrond slowed his horse down. "Someone comes."

The five guards with them closed in around Celebrían and Arwen, since Elladan and Elrohir were near their father now.

Celebrían watched as her husband rode forward a little, her sons at his side. Then a horse and rider came into sight, and on it was certainly an elf... but wait.. an elf with a beard? She had never seen the like of such a thing before.

"Mae govannen, Círdan mellon-nin!" Elrond called from ahead.There was a joy in his voice that she had not heard in many, many years.

The guards relaxed as Elrond turned back toward them and nodded for them to continue on.

"I heard from the eagles that you had been sighted coming this way, Elrond," Círdan said, once he had joined them. "I decided I would come on ahead and meet you. Though your message worries me, I have a ship waiting as you requested. I do hope it is not you who sails?"

Celebrían rode over to stop beside Elrond. "Nay, Lord Círdan, it is not Elrond who sails. It is I, Celebrían daughter of Celeborn and Galadriel who will sail."

Círdan's grey eyes widened. "I am saddened to hear that, Lady Celebrían. I know your father quite well, this will not have been easy for him to accept."

She was surprised by the gentle tone he used when speaking to her. It was not something she had expected at all. "No, it wasn't but he understands why. I have heard the gulls, so now is the right time for me to leave Middle Earth behind."

Círdan nodded. "Many have been coming this way over the years. I am always ready to help someone else who will leave us. One of my ships will bear you, but please follow me, and I will show you the way."

"Even if I _already_ would be able to find the way. My memory is as strong as ever of this place, Círdan." Elrond snorted.

"I do not doubt that, old friend, but there have been troubles here from time to time. Nothing like when the High King roamed amongst us, but troubles of our own had come to here from time to time."

"As they are everywhere, once more," Elrond replied. "The orcs are growing bolder, but for now nothing serious has come of it. I hope that this is not a repeat of Sauron's meddling, but if it is, we will find a way to endure it, as we did last time."

Celebrían sighed. Many had lost family and friends back then. "I wonder if I will meet any who fell during the Last Alliance in Valinor."

"You might," replied the shipwright. "It is said that we are reborn there after a time of waiting."

Elrond flinched. "Do you think he might be there?"

"Who can say? Anything is possible where the Valar hold dear to them. The only way to find out is to travel there, but when we all do, we cannot return here."

"As is the way," Celebrían replied. "My time here is over. One day, I will see you all again, I am sure."

They had come to the buildings now, and a hint of part of a ship could be seen.

"We should walk from here," Elrond replied.

"Elrond?" Celebrían asked. "Might I have a moment alone with you?"

Her husband nodded, turning back towards her. "We'll join you all there," he said, looking back over his shoulder.

The others kept moving, including the twins and Arwen.

She dismounted from her horse, before walking over to him. "I have seen many things in my time, Elrond, and there is something I would say to you now. I would rather say goodbye to you here, and not with the others. Please, do not let your heart grow cold and know that you will not be alone for the rest of your years here. You will find someone else, and I do not mind."

She caught the tear that escaped from the corner of his eye, pulling him into a gentle but tight embrace. "I will never forget you, even if time parts us from the union we have shared over these centuries." Gently she kissed him.

It was some time before they joined the others, and she gave each of her children a hug, saying goodbye to them, telling them that one day she would see them again, and to remember that she would always love them. Glorfindel and Erestor were there as well, and she bid them farewell as well, for they were counted amongst the family by now, having helped with the twins and Arwen as they grew up.

Tears were in her eyes as she got on the ship, turning to look at them, as Círdan freed the rope holding the ship at the dock.

Until she lost sight of where Elrond stood, she continued to look back at him, a great sorrow in her as she watched him fade from sight.

_I may never see him as I do now again._ She knew it was true, after she had told him that he might find someone else.

_So it comes to pass that I, Celebrían, daughter of Celeborn and Galadriel, Lady of Rivendell and Lothlórien must pass over the seas._

For much of the journey she merely stood where she was, watching the distant horizon from which she came. She found that the need for food and water did not come to her, it was as though she needed nothing while on the ship.

The tears were long gone, and for a long time all she heard was nothing but the small waves the ship caused as it sailed towards her new destination.

All too suddenly, there was a cry from a bird. She looked up, startled, to see a great white bird flying away, and in the direction it flew she saw a shoreline.

White sand, and a long dock with many, many ships tethered to it. As the ship drew closer, she could see people moving around, and their voices carried to her. Many of them spoke Sindarin. Though some of them certainly carried themselves the wa Elrond and Círdan had, and she knew they must be Noldor.

There was much to take in, as the ship came to a stop beside the docks. Her ship seemed small compared to those already here, but she guessed that was due to her being alone upon it.

_Well. Here I am. In Valinor._

Her gaze turned once more in the direction she had come.

_Here I wait for you, Elrond, my sons, and my parents. We will meet again, and I will be here to greet you at the docks._

She turned and walked down off of the ship once she could, to find an elf waiting to greet her. The next part of her life had now begun, and now she could heal. The burdens she had carried since the orcs molested her were beginning to fade from her mind, and she felt at peace as she followed the elf along the dock and into the city sprawling to either side.

Translate:

Vernen-nin - My wife

Vernon-nin – my husband

Melleth-nin - my love

Mae govannen - Well met (familiar)

mellon-nin - my friend


End file.
